Do you want to understand how to say “no” gracefully, so that you can then say yes more often to clients, projects, and other things in life that better align with your values and goals?

One of the more difficult things to do in life, especially for me as a recovering people pleaser, is to say no to those things that don’t fit within my core values or align with my overall goals, both in business and personally. This is something that doesn’t really end, and I continue to work on improving at this all the time, so I think it’s important to revisit this regularly. This can include everything from spending your precious time in relationships that don’t serve both parties, partaking in activities that don’t excite you, to getting rid of excessive material items in your home, ‘Marie Kondo’-style.

First of all, it’s key to understand what it is that you want, your values, and your overall goals, so that you can then have more clarity on what doesn’t fit in that picture. With certainty comes more ease in making the decision first and foremost of what to include in your life and business, and also what to NOT include.

So once you’ve got that figured out, here are 5 key considerations to help you say “no” more gracefully.

1. Don’t Make Excuses

First of all, there is no need to make excuses or be defensive when you want to say no. This will lead to further stress and the possibility of greater complications. “No” is enough on its own. However, if you want to say more than that, as you feel may be necessary to save a relationship and not burn bridges and depending on the situation (you will know best), it is definitely acceptable to say what you want instead or how this doesn’t align with your values and your current desires.

2. Be Clear and Honest

On top of not needing to justify yourself, being clear and honest will be easier for all involved. Be authentic in your needs, wants and boundaries, as that releases any possibility of the party hearing the no to come back and try to argue around it and convince you otherwise.

Ensure that you’re being kind with your no, but be truthful no matter what.

3. Show Gratitude

Even though it can be very hard to say no, be grateful for the situation as it may also provide a good learning experience for you. The more times this opportunity comes up, the more it may help you refine what won’t work for you and your business and life. With experience, you’ll get better and better at understanding what you want and need, and at being able to turn things down that aren’t a good fit. And before ending the conversation, call, or email, make sure to thank the other person to leave things on a positive note. A little gratitude goes a long way!

And during all of this it may help to keep in mind, if something doesn’t work for you, in the long run (and even the short run), it won’t work for the other party who you said no to in the first place.

4. Be Firm and Persistent

If your initial no isn’t accepted gracefully, make sure to repeat yourself in the same manner (and of course still kindly). Persist in your no, and don’t back down because you face resistance. This will show that you won’t be changing your mind. If required, feel free to express empathy – we are human after all! If the other person continues to pressure you, don’t back down and share how you feel.

5. Make Your Decision Final

Once you’re sure that you don’t want something, don’t go back on your decision and think about regrets or whether or not you made the right choice. That will just cause more tumult or guilt later on.

Stand firmly in your no, and then you won’t have to flip flop or spend additional energy and attention on the past, which will free you up for more joyful and aligned relationships, activities, and other stuff that comes your way. Now you can think about what you’d like instead!

Summary

To summarize, when saying “no”, you can do so gracefully by following these tips:

1. Don’t Make Excuses
2. Be Clear and Honest
3. Show Gratitude
4. Be Firm and Persistent
5. Make Your Decision Final

Taking all of these steps will help save you future regret and exhaustion from doing anything that isn’t a fit.